Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize