She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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