my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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