this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
