He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
