I look better un-naked...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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