I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
