are you so shy because you have an std?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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