i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
