So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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