The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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