i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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