so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
