dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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