i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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