Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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