I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
