1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
