you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
