Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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