ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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