He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
