I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
