I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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