I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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