Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
