Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
