Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
