I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
