The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
