3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
