the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
