Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
