after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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