if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Will you blow on my dice?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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