whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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