Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
