I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
