all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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