What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
