why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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