How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
