There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
