You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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