I hope mine doesn't look like that
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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