he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
