You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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