I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
