Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
