My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
