She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
