I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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