so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
