so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
