That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
