they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
