Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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