Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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