is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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