He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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