if you like me you must not know who I am
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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