i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
