hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
