dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
