Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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