Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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