a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Green mimosas i think yes
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
