Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
