OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
BRING THE BAGELS
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize