Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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