I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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