mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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