It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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