community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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