You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
