you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize