At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
