If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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